doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
