whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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