Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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