Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
