is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
