you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
