Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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