The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
