I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
