dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
