Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
