I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
