my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize