My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize