I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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