I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
