As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
