So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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