My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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