she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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