You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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