Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
