Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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