thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ass is underappreciated
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize