how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
