He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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