Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
