just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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