i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my shit smells like andre
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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