I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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