due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize