My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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