I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
