...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
