No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
