have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
