She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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