you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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