so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
