the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize