I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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