is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
