Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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