sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize