3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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