Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
