More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
