i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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