I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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