nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
