I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
