john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
