I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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