You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
