Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
