I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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