I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
