Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
