can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
