I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
