so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
