My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
