I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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